Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Is that chicken... safe?

Today, we were supposed to strike a blow against intolerance by eating chicken in a specific chain. Yes, we would smite those who dare criticize the establishment's adamant stance against gay marriage. Those intolerant leftists who dare oppose Liberty must be shown that hate will not be tolerated.

I didn't go there. I was afraid. Terrified, even.

How could I be sure the chickens themselves were straight? There's no proof. They probably arrive frozen in a box, cut up, with only the USDA telling us they're physically safe to eat. But, are they morally safe? OhmyGod! That could have been a homo-filet! It could be full of, of... I don't know, really, but I'm certain that if I ate even a tiny bit, things could happen. Potentially contagious things. Things that would spread insidiously through the American genome, subtly altering our DNA, destroying family values, taxing billionaires, changing our thought patterns, messing with our gonads. This could destroy the American Way of Life!

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