Hey, you think Sacramento is stupido, or what?

Ciao! Venite mangare qui!

I was flipping through a local magazine, and noticed a chef standing in front of a restaurant with an Italian name. Hey, this looks like a great place! It's in an ad for a bank, but it says "celebrating Sacramento's entrepreneurs", with words like "neighborhoods" and "community". I must have somehow missed its opening. I think I would have heard of the place if it were an established Sacramento house of fine dining. We could really use a great Italian restaurant (or another one, if you like that place with all the cookbooks).

A quick trip to Google gave me the answer: the restaurant is in Alameda! With all their hyperbole about how great things are in Sacramento, they had me thinking that this place is here, in town, where I can drive fifteen minutes, park (good luck, but that's another story), sit down and be treated to sumptuous pastas, sizzling saltimbocca, perfect pesce, titillating tiramisu... well, you get the idea. Alas, I can't,unless the restaurant is opening a branch in Sacramento (no mention of this on their web site).

Bad bank! Spank! Spank! Whack! Crack! Snap! Pow! Biff! Thwack! Boff! Crash! Zzzap! (this is my only chance to spank a bank, so indulge me here). You tell us how proud you are of Sacramento. All this while showing a photo from a restaurant 90 miles away. What, we're not good enough for you? Too cheap to hire a photographer and shoot someone local? Weren't our buildings photogenic enough for you? Think we're too dumb to notice that the featured restaurant isn't even in our town?

Now, if you're praising Sacramento but showcasing Alameda, what do you really think of us? You love us, right? Yeah, you love me like a fresh case of scombroid poisoning. Why should I get a loan from some megabusiness that can't even put a real Sacramento entrepreneur in their ad? Non sono pazzo!